So, there’s been a lot going on. The last post I wrote was about my hyperprolactinemia (aka growth on my brain), depression and anxiety. Since then I’ve been on medication (on-and -off) I feel as if, I was never depressed? It’s weird. But, I am thankful. I just feel like there was a 4 – 5 year period of my life that’s somehow blank, as if I blacked out. It’s so crazy to compare the me now vs. myself 4 years ago. Now, I am actually excited to wake up (most days), I feel determined, I am actually doing things I want and there’s no small voice in my head holding me back. Even though sometimes, I do spend some time just laying down, relaxing, watching Netflix with 50% guilt (because there’s always things I could be doing) and of course I have bad days but, overall I am happy.
WORK + PROFESSION:
I was fortunate enough to land a seasonal position (while working my main job) helping to plan an arts festival. I learned so much there not only about events and professional relationships but, also about marketing, business, networking, etc. So that was amazing. Through that, I decided to do my own freelance marketing which, has been going pretty well- but, you know there’s always room for improvement.
For now, I only have a few clients but, I’m excited and slightly anxious to see us all grow and develop. I’m excited to see what we can become and for the journey ahead. Although, I’m new to this industry and there’s so much to learn- I love a good challenge.
I’ve also started making my own earrings which I’m currently working on turning into a business. Here’s the thing: you’re scrolling through Instagram and they have targeted ads that are supposed to be for you. Okay, where in my budget does it say I can afford $100 earrings fam? Because, I do not see it. Did I make some money I was unaware of? Basically, I’ve always had this mentality of always being able to make things myself therefore the items were not worth the purchase (aka I can be cheap). It’s important to note that this mentality doesn’t always work for me (because I can’t make everything myself) and of course there are some things I haven’t followed through on- like that crop top I was supposed to make (where is the top sis?) BUT I’m glad I challenged myself with these earrings! I’ve been slowly growing this project (especially with the support and encouragement of loved ones) and will share more in the near future. But, I’m just excited about creating as I’ve alwyas, always, always loved creating. No matter what I’m doing I’m always creating something. It’s so intriguing to see how the creative process changes shape but never leaves- for me if it’s not blogigng, it’s videos, or drawing, or painting, or earrings. Learning the business side has been quite challenging though, there is just so much information and I’ve also been trying to get over my (damaging) mentality of thinking “everything needs to be perfect.” Rather, I’ve been trying to look at things like “take the opportunity even if you’re not ready.” We must always keep on, keeping on.
WHAT I’VE BEEN PUTTING OFF:
Returning to school is of course still on my agenda. Although the plan has been moving at a tortoise-like pace, I definitely wanted to be in the right mindset before I took the plunge. I’ve been back-and-forth for quite some time about my return- I think I’m just at the point where I want to finish, make the woman who raised me/sacrificed for me proud, see what I can learn, and apply it to my life (loans and all). I think the fact that I am more self-aware of what I want to do/what I have a knack for is a huge advantage (unlike my first round in college which went from Doctor, Scientist, English Major, Communications to Journalism). So I have taken the first two steps in my to-do list of returning. The goal is and always will be to work for myself.
So shocker, I’ve actually been working out. ACTUAL SHOCKER. But, before I get to that, I just want to say that I think your relationship with your Health (mental+ phyiscal) is the most important relationship you will have. I think the older I get the more I realize that the connection between your mind and body is like no-other and really affects who you are and what you can become. The days when I truly take care of myself, eat the right foods, start my day off with a positive and determimed mindset, and get my sweat on are some of my best and most productive days. Mental heatlh has been a huge thing for me over the years, especially during and after my depression right up until now. What really helped me through some of my toughest times was journaling. And although I don’t do it as often as I once used to (I feel as if there’s no need for me to journal everyday now), I still take time when I feel very compelled to write out how I feel. Sometiems twice a week or once but, journaling not only helps me get my feelings out in a safe and conducive way but, it helps me process my feelings and reflect. I know that something I fall short of is self-reflection. I often forget about the strides that I have made which, lands me in a not so great mental space at times (we can all get lost in the sauce) but, when I journal I am forced to reflect, look over and analyze my growth (it’s so key).
Physically: honestly, I was tired of being unhappy with my body and overweight. I am thankful for my body and so appreciative of how much it does for me- but, I would be lying if I said I am 100% happy on how it looks & performs simply because I KNOW it can look better and feel much better. Back in the day, I used to be a stick with curves (although I didn’t think so at the time). Sometimes when I look back at pictures from highschool/early college I am completely aware that it’s not healthy to aim for that as my body goal plus, I don’t want to necessarily be there again. In fact, I think I might have been a bit too thin (especially when I see how large my head and fro were in comparison to my body- I’ve always had a big head which would explain why I’m always hyping myself up). But, it was what it was. I was just naturally thin and there was really nothing I could do about gaining weight due to my metabolism and growth spurt.
There was a point in my life when I was at my thinnest and when I look back sure it may look great to some people but, it’s so funny how our minds remember things differently than what they actually were. I look at some of those pictures and initially think, “wow, I used to be so skinny.” Then, “Wow, those jeans used to be so big on me and now I can’t fit in them.” Then, I quickly remmeber why. I was literally starving. I couldn’t afford anything whithin my first year of living on my own in Boston so I was just living off of the food I got to take home from my job. I think my brain supressed that part of my journey. My days literally looked like this: (1)Breakfast: a small breakfast wrap (2) Lunch: a yogurt parfait (3)Dinner: a protein plate. That lasted for months and I remember my manager at the time must have felt so bad for me as she would bring me some of her home made food at times (bless her <3).
So that Justin is not my goal. My body goals are when my body is feeling strong, looks strong- that’s pretty much it. Like, maybe it’d be cool to run a 5k one day or evenbe able to compete in an Iron Girl, I just want to feel healthy. So I’ve been training a bit and a running when I can/feel like it. I think what’s different this time is that I’m looking at it as less of a chore but, more of a lifestyle change and challenge for myself. What really helped at the beginning was having someone who would help to hold me accountable (aka a trainer or work-out buddy). The goal is to train 2x a week and run 3x so it’s been really cool to see my 1-mile running time slowly decrease. I’ll be the first to say that I am quite slow and I don’t care much about that. I started off running a mile in 16 minutes and I could only run .3 miles withough stopping (last month). Now, I’m down to 13 minutes and the other day I ran .8 miles without stopping! I think it’s important for me to stress that I have never been a runner in fact I hated it for so long. I was always fast (short-distance) and enjoyed running in elementary but, ever since my knee issues started in the 5th grade which led to some unsavory pains- I kind of stopped doing anything related to running. Plus, I could never find a good sports bra (struggles). So it’s literally taken me around 18 years to get back into it and it’s cool. Of course it’s a run + walk mix (I run and stop to walk for a few seconds then pick back up) but, for now the goal is to get to a full mile without stopping. Then two miles, can we imagine? I will have a party for myself (honestly, I’ll probs just celebrate with an almond croissant). But, yeah it’s felt great to be healthier; to sweat. The “healthier eating” part… I’m still working on. Some days are more challenging than others. I’m currently trying to do low carb low sugar but, seeing as I’m addicted to sugar…it’s been difficult. One thing at a time.
What’s to come:
(1) The Ways by J aka Jewelry by me!
(2) More blog posts: I really want to share some new spots around Miami! Like another coffee shop installment and maybe cool bars, views, night outs/perfect night in (balance), etc. But, as I previously alluded to, ya girl can be cheap. These things do cost money people. But, there’s always a way.
(4) Hopefully traveling. I’m crossing my fingers.
Things to work on:
(1) Financial literacy
(2) Business acumen
(3) Reflection and goal setting
(4) Healthier eating
(5) Career Health and satisfaction